It’s peaceful in here. Come rest for a bit in a place of happiness and heart restoration. Nice to meet you! My name’s Dana and I’m a Noncustodial Mama to 2, Single Mama to 1, business owner and homeschooler who is graciously addicted to the endless road and all the risky, joyful adventures of a life lived inside the arms of Grace. I teach Noncustodial Moms (and sometimes Dad’s, too) how to find happiness in the midst of their life-altering circumstances. It takes one to know one, and now you know one who knows.
LET'S BE FRIENDS
You're not alone anymore. So won't you please be my neighbor and share this journey with me?
I never, absolutely.. NEVER.. think about the day I was branded. There have been occasional drive-by-flashes skip through my memory regarding it, but nothing more. I don't allow myself to purposefully relive the events of that day so I keep it locked securely away. Too much pain held up in that massive expanse of a memory. But Hiding grew tired of my hiding so it forced me out and demanded that I take notice. Curiously, I started to find myself thinking about that day, specifically the courtroom. Where was it? I mean, I knew where it was but as many times as I had been in the courthouse I didn't know where that specific courtroom was. It had been 7 years, why start thinking about it now? I couldn't explain the curiosity, I only knew it existed. It was just a casual fascination though, nothing that would cause me to ask anyone about it or [...]
Ah.... Mother's Day. A day that has the rotten potential of offering up severe cases of rejection and failure. A day that forces smiles, pours out the tears, and deepens the wounds of an already shattered heart. A miserable day that ranks second only to the day of our branding. It's a stern reminder not only of who we aren't holding in our trembling, grieving embrace, it's also a reminder of all that went wrong to put us in this position, the alienation that has been shoved in our face, and our feeble attempts of trying to live a normal life as if nothing ever happened. Problem is, it has happened, and it's a tough injustice to overpower for a lot of hard-bitten women. Mother's Day is coined as a day of celebration for Mother's and while we are Mother's, surely one can't expect us to glorify a day that reminds of all that we have lost? I mean, [...]
If your life is anything like mine, which I assume it is since you're reading this, then there are times when you desperately and absolutely JUST NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO!!!! Amiright? Yes, I am. I know because I battle those feelings. Still. I'm nearing closer to the 10-year mark as a noncustodial mom and the one thing I have needed the most is the one thing we all need the most - a trusted voice of understanding, compassion, and tenderness. There just aren't that many who get it, ya know. I lost a lot of friends when I became a noncustodial mom. For years, I just assumed it was because they judged me for what had happened. Sure, there were a few that took his side and shamed me because I was the one who "abandoned my children" - his words and his story, of course. But now, however, I see things a little [...]
I get emails every day from other noncustodial moms and I cry as I read each one of them. While we live in different cities, states and countries and our custody battles and life experiences differ to incredible degrees, there is one common trait every "please help me" email shares: deafening tears and their associated feelings of hopelessness. The defender that I am, I want to bottle up their pain, throw away the key, hold them close and tell them that everything is going to be okay. But that wouldn't necessarily be the truth. Because it's not always going to be okay. Truth is: It's going to be hell for a while. A long while. Even if we make the daily conscious decision to live contentedly in our unsexy and unconventional circumstances, we still experience the agony and heartache of our loss on an almost constant, second-by-second basis. Reality doesn't just disappear. It may shrink, [...]
For so long I have seen myself as just a noncustodial mom. That's it. Like it's what I was created for, who I was destined to be. Being a noncustodial mom was just my lot in life. Everyone has one and this was mine. To me it was almost a form of punishment, a price I had to pay for being a good wife and giving him free, unrestrained and ungoverned control in every part of my psyche - visible and invisible. Little 'ol sunshiney, submissive me. Yup, what a fine character I became. Puke. Noncustodial mom equaled my cross to bear. And if I was going to survive the weight of this relentless, oppressive, burdensome, grief-stricken cross, I needed to put on my happy face and somehow, someway find happiness inside of it. So I did, and I have. Now, clearly, I haven't been flawless, but I have been flawless enough to eek out an existence in [...]
I teach Noncustodial Moms (and sometimes Dad's, too) how to find happiness in the midst of their life-altering circumstances. We work together to replace all of their immediate grumpies with a whole wide world of forever happies.
I write, speak and coach. I am a Noncustodial Mom to two big boys, 16 and 14, and a Single Mom to one little boy, now 7.
You know this war of which I speak of, don't you? This internal war; a war that very few understand.
If you are here and you get it - you get my words and you feel those emotions - the unpleasant ones, rising up in your soul struggling just to be heard, then this is where you belong.
Hi, my name is Dana and I, too, am a Noncustodial Mom. It's been almost 11 years. I'd be lying if I say the struggle has dissipated, because in some ways it hasn't, but I have fought my way through to the other side where the sun shines brighter than ever! Now it's your turn, and I'm going to help.